Sunday, November 15, 2009

This is hard

The reality of this move has hit me. I've cried so hard and so much that my tear ducts should be dry. Seriously, I can't believe I can still produce tears.
Our dog, Abby, went to a new home yesterday. A childhood friend of Kevin's had a neighbor who took her. This is a family with 4 kids and another beagle, Missy. They came up from Oklahoma last night. Abby took to the kids well and couldn't wait to go with them. I thought I had cried enough earlier in the day and thought I'd be fine, but I lost it when Abby got into their van. I couldn't even compose myself. I was so embarrassed and yet overcome with sadness. I just kept thinking, I can't believe she's leaving, I can't believe we're doing this.
Abby has been our family dog since she was 8 weeks old, back in 2001. My heart is so broken right now. I made it through last night ok. Maybe ok is an overstatement. I took Avery and McKenna to the opera at Friends, so we were out of the house. I managed to sleep until 4 am, then woke up and just couldn't stop crying. Wondering if she's ok, if she's sleeping, if she knows what's going on. I am just overwhelmed with grief and sadness. I cry. All the time. My poor girls have to put up with a mom who cries, when I should be the one drying their tears.
This week will probably go fast, and theres a lot that needs to be done. Packing, packing, packing, wrapping up things with Avery and McKenna's schools. Finishing my classes at Friends, saying our good-byes, etc...and somewhere in the mix, I'm trying to figure out how the girls and I can get H1N1 vaccines.
I'm hoping today goes better than yesterday. I'm hoping the pain in my heart and stomach subsides. I'm hoping to get through the day without totally falling apart.


Marla said...

I was going to invite you and the girls over for supper this week, but maybe I could just come over in the evenings and help pack since I know there is much to do! I miss Abby also. When I told Reese that we were eating w/ you guys tonight, she kept saying, "abby, abby?" And then on the way there, she kept saying, "kenna, kenna?" So the months to come are going to be so hard!! I can't believe you're moving!!

Gerri said...

I just noticed you changed your blog name. When did that happen? We've cried a few tears here also. It always hurts a parent when a child is hurting. Don't have the words to help with this other than take the time to grieve and know that you have done the right thing for Abby. Looking forward to being there for a few days to help.